bergenhell
November 20th, 2005, 04:56 PM
i recieved this email and enjoyed it, being a fan of anything martial (arts, law, sex).
1. Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
2. Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
4. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a
+500 gain to roundhouse ability.
5. New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone
at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street,
and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
6. Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.
7. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
8. Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
9. When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
10. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
11. Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the
8th wonder of the natural world.
12. Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band,
and a pinecone.
13. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the
face.
14. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.
15. Chuck Norris can’t eat while standing upright.
16. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
18. One drop of Chuck Norris’ sweat can cure you of anything, even death.
19. Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
20. The letters in Chuck Norris’ name can be rearranged to spell doom in
twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
21. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
22. Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
23. Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
24. Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.
25. There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
26. Chuck Norris’s heart beats once every full moon.
27. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the extinct
species list.
28. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
29. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
30. Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
31. If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
ass and take your dollar.
32. Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex
with 3 women.
33. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don’t worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
34. We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
35. Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have
seen in your entire life.
36. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris’ house is a Total Gym.
37. Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture
found only the skull of Chuck Norris.
38. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
39. Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old
people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.
40. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in
the ozone layer.
41. Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced
him to say, "The name’s Norris; Chuck Norris."
1. Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
2. Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
4. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a
+500 gain to roundhouse ability.
5. New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone
at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street,
and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
6. Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.
7. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
8. Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
9. When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
10. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
11. Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the
8th wonder of the natural world.
12. Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band,
and a pinecone.
13. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the
face.
14. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.
15. Chuck Norris can’t eat while standing upright.
16. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
18. One drop of Chuck Norris’ sweat can cure you of anything, even death.
19. Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
20. The letters in Chuck Norris’ name can be rearranged to spell doom in
twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
21. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
22. Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
23. Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
24. Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.
25. There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
26. Chuck Norris’s heart beats once every full moon.
27. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the extinct
species list.
28. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
29. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
30. Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
31. If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
ass and take your dollar.
32. Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex
with 3 women.
33. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don’t worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
34. We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
35. Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have
seen in your entire life.
36. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris’ house is a Total Gym.
37. Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture
found only the skull of Chuck Norris.
38. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
39. Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old
people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.
40. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in
the ozone layer.
41. Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced
him to say, "The name’s Norris; Chuck Norris."